I thought today would be a happy one but I am just having "one of those days". The more I try to correct my attitude about it, the more things go wrong. Ugh. I need a hug. I think this is the world's way of saying that I need to watch some LOST tonight.


i love lost

I rejected the cell phone and finally gave in. I rejected the laptop and now I'm attached at the hip. I hate the suburbs, but I work there to make a living. Now...yoga. I had my first yoga lesson tonight- it was surprisingly refreshing. If I start turning into one of those people I hate, somebody please save me from myself.

Tonight I bonded with my car.

We drove through the new snow and didn't slip once. She made it up the impossible winter back road, past all of the fender benders and plowed through the plow pile that the street cleaner left me with. Pretty good for a teeny little car with good gas mileage.

I will love her well.

But I still need a name for her.

I think being a one timer nanny is a little like being a substitute teacher. I'm not going to say that I was the one manipulating the teacher...but I definitely wasn't turning anyone in for it.

But now, I feel the pain. Thank you to all of the substitute teachers who have to keep twenty+ kids in line for a day.

Nannying is going well but it messes with my social anxiety. I am nervous about meeting a new family each night, nervous about finding my way around the mess that is West Des Moines/Waukee/Clive/etc. and I'm nervous about the kids ripping each other's eyes out or something.

But, in true Sarah style, I gravitate to these jobs that test my anxieties. And therefore-what am I complaining about?

So I made it through the first day of nannying without too many issues. I think it will work out for my first nanny job assuming there are no major run-ins with mom. I only work eight more times in November- so I can't complain. Then it will be on to the next one.

I canceled my myspace account if anyone is keeping track. I tried to watch the boobie video that another phished person sent me and got it good. So sorry about any complications I had to do with that. I guess that is a reason not to put your personal info on the internet. I usually try to keep it to a minimum, but who knows what all they can do. I might make a new one, but I don't use it all that often anyways.

I'm officially a nanny, if only for a month.

I got a temp gig as a nanny in Clive for the month of November. It is only a part time job on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday, but it is a start. I will be watching two twin girls who are 2 years old. I start tomorrow, so I am a little nervous. Plus the mom will be there with me--I'm not too clear on the details yet.

Sounds like I might have a job as a nanny if I want it. It kind of beats working for "the man" at an insurance job. I'd be able to do it temporarily, which is nice, plus they said they could hook me up with a nanny company in Illinois if I move there. Cons; I might piss off a parent. I might lose the child. The kids could be horrible brats, etc, etc. I have an interview with an insurance company on Friday-so I'll see if they can sell it to me.

So, this is most likely my last time posting in Korea. I haven't decided if I will go back to my hermitage of rejecting livejournal or not. I guess it depends on whether I am well off enough to have the internet. I hope so since I have this fancy little laptop now.

It hasn't hit me yet- my body knows it is happening but my mind hasn't caught up. I can't sleep as well, I'm sick, I'm overly emotional- but I still can't register my emotions on a daily level. Tomorrow I will meet and train the new teacher, transfer the rest of my money, meet up with Walker again after his China trip and say goodbye to everyone. Oy vey.

I have this fast coming deadline in which I will not only move, but move out of a foreign country. I'm, needless to say, very busy. But despite my "to do" list, it doesn't seem to be decreasing any. I have no drive to get going and check these things off the list.

I only want to loaf and try to find a video of Britney Spears dancing in the VMAs. It apparently doesn't have copy write privileges in Korea. I am a pathetic soul. *sigh*

Back to my vegetative state.

Today was slightly better, but I do say slightly for a reason.

I actually had to meet with a mother because I'd torn her child's sticker page up. The kids get stickers for good behavior and they get stickers taken away for bad behavior. So I had to apologize for ripping up an entire page. I told Jean that I wasn't going to apologize and I would do it again if the situation called for it. This boy is a newer student and he is starting to cause trouble and getting the whole class involved. When this happens, it's best just to send a message that they can't get away with that behavior. If you let it go, your whole class can terrorize you for months. The fact that they even called me in to apologize, just made me sick. I didn't stick around after the meeting- I was late for Andrea's and she was making dinner.

I think I was understood though, and God bless Jean for translating my message and not bowing to Mr. Kim's stupidity. By the end, it was more about the mother not trusting Mr. Kim's direction of the company. She told us to get a better discipline system so the foreigners don't have to resort to ripping up sticker books. Boo yah.

Who cares anyways. I leave in nine working days- why waste your time reprimanding me. It is "Korean Style" though. It's not a problem until it is a problem. Prevention is not a key vocabulary word in this system. Why waste time training new teachers how to deal with the kids?

Working past my contract was so much harder than I ever thought it would be. I am still subjected to the same bullshit as all year but I know that I am leaving and so my patience, that has been stretched all year, has run out. I can't contain my thoughts and so when someone criticizes me, I just say what I think. This is a horrible practice in the workplace and I think I'm having some kind of pre-U.S.A breakdown trying to control it.

I'm worried that my bad attitude will rub off on the new teacher so I'm isolating myself. In a way I want her to quit, just to show Mr. Kim that he is a moron. But, I know that isn't for me to judge and I should let her make up her own mind without my bias. But, in bottling up my feelings- I am just going more and more stir crazy. Ugh. I can't wait for this month to be over. I need a blank slate and a good friend.

Walker left for China this morning and it has started to sink in that this is the last part of my journey in Korea. Krista is the new teacher and she came in the true traditional ECC style.This means, utter chaos. She is really outgoing though, so if she stays, she won't have any problems making friends. She is pretty opinionated as well, which may be a problem dealing with Mr. Kim.

What I am missing from the States:

-Going to the movies on rainy days
-American food/American-Chinese food/Mexican food/etc.
-Cooking with an oven
-Shoe shopping
-Summer
-road trips

I finished my list of things to see before I leave Korea. I'm so proud that I got to do it all when I wasn't expecting to. We had a few snags along the way- which was expected.

We went on a goose chase to get on a bus to the coast but failed to get a bus on Friday. Instead we had to stay the night in Seoul and leave early Saturday.

Nearly missed the bus because everything was in Korean and nobody spoke English

Walker lost his wallet within twenty minutes of getting to the beach.

The way back took twice as long as getting there because of the weekend traffic back into Seoul. A grand total of 8 hours in transit.

Things that were awesome:

The clear blue Sea of Japan on one side and tall mountains on the other side.

Spending a whole day relaxing on the beach and a day hiking in beautiful Asian mountains.

Experiencing real Korean culture outside of the safe westernized Korea.

Staying in a Korean minbak like a Korean would (it's like a cheap condo)

Spending next to nothing on a great vacation

Now it is time for goodbyes...:(

Well, I think it is official that I have a plane ticket home for the 15th. It will be nice to get back and be done with this job. It was a great experience but with all of the stress that I've had to take from Mr. Kim- I don't think I'll regret my decision to go home.

Today Mr. Kim totally got an "I told you so" moment from me when he tried to go to the immigration office alone and realized I was right in telling him that he needs a purchased plane ticket confirmation and my passport. Last night he asked for my immigration card and I was skeptical. So we had to go together and wait in this insane DMV style crowd. We were one hundred places back in line but Mr. Kim rooted through the garbage and found a ticket that was further up in the line by about 80 places. We were definitely getting the evil eye. What a schiester. Anyhow, I think my business is taken care of with that.

In other news I think our supervisor is quiting as well as one of the Korean teachers. So, in all they will have about a fifty percent turnover for September. Great job, guys!

The contract went through and all is back to hagwon-y back at work. The tension was so high in that place I thought knives would just start spinning through the air. In the end, Mr. Kim eliminated the law of staying until 7:30. I guess he figured he'd better be smart and get some better tactics if he was going to have two new teachers coming in. I don't know how our supervisor feels- she seems to have become the wicked witch over night.

I suppose I can stomach one more month if I must.

I decided to write up a contract today that I'm going to give to Mr. Kim. I hate thinking in terms of legality- but Mr. Kim lies all the time and I have to do something to at least try to protect myself. Either way I've decided to come home Sept. 15th or before. Luckily Mr. Kim's lying skills are about that of a seven year old-so I'm fairly certain that I can get a ticket from Seoul to Des Moines on my own. I think he will sign it- but if he doesn't, then I will have problems.

It's so strange how you can be wanting something to come into your life and distract you from the course, but just after you've given up on it- wham; here comes an opportunity.

I've been questioning going home for so long that I finally just gave into the fact that- yes, I would have to leave it up to fate to decide my next move. But this week Rina- my old supervisor at ECC calls and says that now she works at a better hagwon that pays more and has some nice perks. But it starts in September- as in- three weeks. And today my boss told me that I would be going home the last weekend in September. Ugh. I feel so sick about going home- just because I have no idea what is waiting for me there. But at the same time I have to go back sometime and I don't really feel any strong connection to Korea. I know I have to go home but it would just be so easy to sit here and be nice and comfy saving my money and teaching kids.

Walker made a good point when he said that at least I know where I stand when I go back. If I hate it- then I will do something about it. Whatever will be will be.

I still haven't stopped moving it would seem since sometime in July. I don't think I will stop until I hit Des Moines, Iowa.

This weekend I went to the DMZ. It rained like hell of course and Jared bowed out because of the rain so I just went with Walker. You have to go on a tour so we were with three other couples that were just visiting Korea. It was weird being the only residents. I felt both ashamed that we didn't have more to offer them and proud that I knew all the things the tour guide was talking about. I was sorry that I didn't work it out before Jenni came but it wasn't exactly a stress free day and you can't take pictures of most of the things.

After the tour we decided to kill two birds with one stone and do the Han River night tour. The lights were pretty and the weather was shaping up- so it proved to be worth the while. We were pretty exhausted by the end of it though. I feel like I've been gone a week.

Mr. Kim told us he will have meetings on Monday, Wednesday and Friday of next week to discuss what we are teaching in our classes and why we are losing students. I don't know what this means but it can't be good. Last week he enforced the rule that you must stay until 7:30 everyday.